I Need A Prom Date

a corsage and to be in bed by 10.

It’s Laundry Day and We’re Going To Prom.

Ok, so mabye you all don’t need a prom dress or prom already happened in your house but maybe you can have some fun for a moment and play dress up with me, is that so hard? Maybe you have a baby shower or will be a guest at a wedding this summer and need a dress. Maybe you are like me and have no place to go but want another fun dress to own so you can dress up for yourself while you clean your apartment.

Fun fact: I decided to look like a picnic table for my prom and I stand behind my decision. Shown here, like 22 years ago, with my still-bestie today. (Sorry D, I couldn’t find the photo of your eyes open.) I still own that dress, I can’t breath as well in it but still somewhat presentable. Also, my high school prom date was a friend who not only is a great dancer but is pee-in-your-pants funny. He is now on TV and you can see his handsome mug every morning…mmmm who could it be??

My friend and photographer Mei Tao asked me to help her daughter Dashiel get ready for prom and I jumped at the chance to pretend I was 17 again. The rules: the look had to be under $800, had to be an item she could wear again and it couldn’t look like every other prom dress but it also couldn’t be an outfit that stuck out too much in her group of friends. Shit…ok, hope this goes well.

Maybe Dashiel would love all my options so much, think I was so cool and even ask me to stop by her after party and dance with all he young friends. Nope, that didn’t happen at all but the mama and teen duo came vaccinated, tested and she did try everything on I got— and by she I mean I did as well, I can’t help myself. She looked insanely beautiful in everything and left with a half smile, which seems like a huge win from a teen. Here are some things we played with.

The Serious Polka Dot. This tulle polka-dot number from Maria Lucia Hohan satisfied Dashiel’s teen angst side. The corset paired with the flutter sleeve gives this dress just enough edge while still being flirty. The higher waist would be great with a belt for an added layer of texture, even if in the same color. I love the idea of wearing this dress to an evening wedding or even just dinner out with low gladiator like sandal or in the colder months with a not-so chunky combat boot. The dress is polyester and would be easy to shorten. Below are a few options that are similar.

Plus Size Shein Dress Outyfit Sandro Asos Self Portrait

Wowza. This dress is if Johnny Weir + DVF (circa Studio 54) had a baby. I love the vibe of this Galvan dress because it is all gown without being traditional. The two tone colors knotted together with a side slit and a conservative high neck are a win. Because I don’t discriminate I would totally wear this dress out on the town, to an event or with sneakers and a denim jacket or oversized blazer. Below are a few options that are similar.

Asos Ebay Cinq A Sept Galvan Jenny Packham Halpern

What Meeting? This blazer dress from Rasario is what I would wear if I had a suitcase of hard cold cash. Or if you are 17 and wanted a Zendaya vibe. The color, fabric and slim fit of this dress screams cool and sexy and suitable for a party or a cocktail with yourself and your lawyer. Layer it with a turtleneck for colder months or a crisp white button down for that pantless look all the kids are doing. Don’t feel pressure too wear a high heel in this, a low shoe easily makes this blazer dress an option for dinner. Below are a few options that are similar.

Zara Jay Godfrey Self Portrait Balenciaga Zara Good American

Dancing Queen. I mean this metallic jumpsuit from Retrofete makes me want to dance under a disco ball all day and night. The lamé fabric is nice and easy on the skin and I love how quick this jumpsuit gets you feeling dressed up. It might not be for everyone during prom season but it would be killer out on a date or a great alternative to a dress for a wedding. Below are a few options that are similar.

Norma Kamali Retrofete Galvan Ted Baker Tibi Yoox

Is That My Child? This deep cut dress from Gauge 81 makes you wonder if a grown woman took over your sweet young baby or if you are a grown woman, it should remind you that you still got it. The color is vibrant and unlike most dresses you see, the cut and extreme shoulder pads give a little something extra to this stretchy number. The key to any dress with this color and fabric is to keep it elevated. Make sure shoes are simple, they don’t need to be sky high or double platform. Jewelry and makeup also should be to a minimum. Below are a few options that are similar

Gauge 81 DiorBella Alice & Olivia Aggi Bebe Aritzia

Take Me To Tea. This take on a lady dress from Self Portrait is an easy closet piece to own, I love the addition of the corset to this sweet lady vibe. Self Portrait always has great girly dresses, perfect for showers, summer cocktail parties, graduations or any gathering for that matter. Keep it sweet with simple shoes or make it edgy with an ankle boot. Below are a few options that are similar.

Self Portrait Chi Chi London Anthropologie

Charo Ruiz Ibiza Dress the Population Self Portrait

Someone please take me out. This is my desperate attempt to convince you I clean up ok and worthy of a night at the ballet or a dive bar, same thing. I love this Hellessy dress so much I am so sad I returned it. The fishtail hem, puff sleeves and knotted detail at the thigh…I mean, it is so good!!! Below are a few options that are similar.

Acler Cinq A Sept Orchard Mile Hellessy

Sies Marjan Acler Nowachic

Winning. This gold stunner from Stella McCartney (on sale) is so fun in person. It moves easily to any beat your body moves to. The shape around the hips is forgiving to most body types and you can try with or without a belt, it would look great with a denim jacket or fitted blazer. This dress is a winner for me for any occasion and any season. Below are a few options that are similar.

Stella McCartney Skirt Etsy Shrimps Batsheva Rhode

Sorry, what? This is one of those dress that looks like a simple black lace dress but then it throws you a glare and struts closer with its tight hips and sexy plunging back and is like “I’m sorry, are you looking at me?” This Alessandra Rich dress sadly sold out but below are some other show stoppers.

Johnathan Simkhai Norma Kamali Rasario Alessandra Rich

Hamel N21 Asos BooHoo Plus

Who’s this strange lady Mom? I want to frolic in fields in a commercial about baby food in this dress or “play tea party” with every 4 year old in the tri-state area. I feel sweet, girly and slightly ridiculous, so win. These pink ruffle dresses are from Marchesa Notte and Love Shack Fancy. Wear it to a baby shower, a wedding or brunch with yourself. Try with some Stan Smith sneakers, a sweet ballet flat or a sparkly heel, just don’t take yourself too seriously. Below are a few options that are similar.

Love Shack Fancy Asos Kikiriki Cynthia Rowley Kikiriki

Michelle Pfeiffer, eat your heart out. This Attico wrap dress is all the 70’s vibes I love. On its own it is simple, cool and forgiving around the hips. Try with a mens’s tux blazer over it for a cool night or a long coat that hits close to the hem. Below are a few options that are similar.

The Frankie Shop Amen Zara Reformation Eloquii Plus

That’s all the Prom I have in me, so happy I am not 17 anymore. As always send all your Dirty Laundry to sarahsdirtylaundry@gmail.com

x Sarah